


Paranormal Activity

by artificial_ink



Series: The Darcy and Hela Roommate Series [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Brock is tired of this shit, Darcy Lewis is in a romance slump, F/M, Gen, Hela can talk to the dead, Hela has limited powers, Hela is Darcy's roommate, Jack considers dating a ghost, Jack's going through some stuff, except mary - Freeform, he just wanted a nice date with Darcy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 07:12:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18751546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificial_ink/pseuds/artificial_ink
Summary: When Darcy agreed to go on a date with Brock, she did not anticipate that it would end up in his living room with both their roommates, performing some sort of séance.





	Paranormal Activity

**Author's Note:**

> Another installment of the Darcy and Hela roommate series! This was started when I went on another tangent whilst talking with PumpkinDoodles. It's inspired by a story from the Jenna and Julien podcast where someone told a ghost story and it boiled down to the ghost kind of having a crush on of the the residents of the haunted home.
> 
> Rated Mature mostly because of sex drive themes. Nothing naughty really happens.

When Darcy agreed to go on a date with the insistent, buff Italian-American man who frequented the gym next to her favorite coffee shop, she did not anticipate that it would end up in his living room, along with his roommate and hers, performing some sort of séance. Okay- Hela’s surprise appearance wasn’t all that surprising, since she liked to stalk Darcy on her dates for the small chance at annoying her. The disgruntled, tall Aussie was new. But, given how Darcy’s dating life had been on the decline since 2014 (not including the big dating recession of 2012), she figured this was par for the course. When it came to romance, Darcy Lewis was cursed.

All of the dates she’d had since Ian had been horribly beige. Ian himself was beige incarnate but at least they’d had the excitement of almost death by elves to spice things up. Darcy was growing concerned at the lack of thrill from every man she met. Even the cute ones. No one stirred anything in her loins. At first, she assumed after being in close proximity to actual gods just meant her standards were unrealistically higher but then they went to a party with Captain America and even _he_ didn’t get anything going. Obviously, her hormones were out of whack. No doctor could to find anything wrong with her but she knew something was off. 

When Brock Rumlow had walked up to her, fresh from the gym, all swagger, smarm and lightly sweaty, she’d felt a blip of something. Nothing like the overwhelming emotions that caused a Regency era woman to faint (she’d been reading a lot of historical romance to try and get her blood pumping but nada). It was _something_. It could have very well been annoyance but the apathy taking over her body masked it. Or maybe it was the smell of the fresh, hot coffee in her hands giving her the jollies. Either way, she just assumed it was a positive emotion and went with it.

Dinner itself had been nice. Brock picked a fancy but not too expensive Italian place and was an all-around gentleman. The man looked great in a dark button up and slacks, to the point where she was certain he’d gotten the outfit tailored for optimum muscle cupping. He also made her laugh, which had been a first in a long time. Admittedly, he wasn’t trying and she was more laughing at his interesting quirks while telling a story about him fighting a donkey in South America but he didn’t take offense. The way he got all up and arms about the indignantly of his loss against the donkey but the macho way he still seemed to sound and puff himself up made her smile. He was kind of a goofy beefcake-bro. While she never was attracted to beefcakes/bros nor was the type of woman to bring one down to their knees, Brock seemed adorably nervous in front of her. Despite his toeing the line of Jersey Shore, he was endearing in his own way.

Just as dessert arrived and Brock let her have most of his tiramisu, she decided she was going to sleep with him. It had been a long while for her. Neither man nor vibrator had interested her much. Maybe her libido was like a dead car battery and you had to borrow some electricity from another battery to help get the engine revved? Jane would cringe at both the metaphor and explanation of how jumpstarting a car worked. The only person that seemed to offer any empathy to Darcy’s issues were Jane.

After rubbing his calf with the toe of her shoe, Brock cried out for the check and in no time, they were making out on his bed. A thrum of what she thought might be anticipation had buzzed through her body. More than she’d felt in a really long time. That had been promising. Unless it turned out to be indigestion. But then Brock realized he was out of condoms even if he swore he bought a new box. Before Darcy could weigh the pros and cons of giving him a blowjob then leaving to never see him again, Brock promised her he’d be back in ten minutes. 

After fifteen, she’d put her clothes back on and went to watch TV in the living room. That’s where she met Jack, looking rather forlorn. Her being the kind, wonderful and caring fool that she was, she asked him what had his boxers in a twist. Turns out, Jack was also in a dating slump, which automatically led Darcy to bond with Jack on a spiritual level. Brock had been more than a little peeved to come back from the store with wine and condoms to find his date and his roommate chatting away like two old croons gossiping over clothes pins.

As Jack went into his theories as to why no woman wanted to be with him the moment she stepped into his bedroom and possible solutions, including attempting to Feng Shui his bedroom into a sex positive safe space, Brock started to run a finger up and down Darcy’s neck. Normally, when that happened, she’d fall into a fit of tickle induced giggles. This time, a shiver ran down her spine. She considered a quickie with Brock before continuing her heart-to-heart with Jack because the Aussie really was down and out. Of course, that’s when Hela appeared, a mid-size wolf pup in tow and determination in her eyes.

Much to Brock and Darcy’s consternation, Hela explained that she needed to break into a pharmaceutical office to steal some unreleased information that the FDA should see. Obviously, the date was over now and Darcy wasn’t going to be getting any. Which she was only mildly peeved over. She spent about ten minutes arguing the finer points of expensive security systems and how unlikely it was for two women and a not yet fully grown wolf to be able to take down big pharma on a whim. By this point, Brock was already on his second glass of wine and Jack was tempting Ragnarok with beef jerky to approach closer for some pets.

“If your only concern is our lack of military force, why not recruit these two men. Mary tells me that they have the training for it. In fact, she says that they are likely the best in their field,” Hela asked, flicking her hand at the wrist and quirking an eyebrow. She sounded absolutely exhausted of Darcy’s constant nay-saying.

“What are you talking about?” Darcy asked, looking to Brock and Jack. To her knowledge, they were just a couple of gym rats that had some low-level security job at a food company. Except, she noticed that both men were standing just a little bit taller and watching Hela with tight expressions. Also, they didn’t seem to stare at Hela with the usual confusion when she had been able to introduce herself as Goddess of Death, War etc. In fact, they weren’t weirded out by Hela’s presence or by Ragnarak’s appearance (it was getting increasingly difficult to hide the fact that Raggie was a wolf).

Crap. What kind of guy did she agree to date this time?

“Who the hell is Mary?” Brock asked, voice gruffer and slightly more menacing. His hand hovered at his side as if he were used to having a gun holstered there. Hela showed no signs that his intimidation affected her but Darcy did take a step closer to the Asgardian since she was sure to have numerous weapons hidden. 

“The spirit you share this home with,” Hela stated and at that, everyone’s eyes widened. While Darcy knew Hela had the ability to talk to the dead, she hadn’t really seen it in action. It was just a fact Hela had thrown out at one time or another and Darcy took it in stride because it was hard to keep all the truth straight. Hela’s powers were mostly dormant but she claimed to still be able perform very minor magic and had some innate skills she’d been born with. Talking to the dead and persuasion were two them. Seriously, silver tongues, magic and dark hair were really the dominant features in the Odin-fam. Thor was probably the adopted one.

“Spirit? You mean like a ghost?” Jack asked, head quirking in interest. Darcy could already see the cogs turning in his head and as skeptical as she’d always been about ghosts, she did hope that a nice guy like Jack had an external reason for his slump.

“Yes. I suppose that is the Midgardian term for it. She states her corporal identity is called Mary. She has much insight into you two,” Hela explained before taking a pause and then rolling her eyes. “Also, I can tell she holds quite the flame for a Jack. Won’t stop talking about him. Tall, handsome, enchanting and the most delightful accent. Her words, certainly not mine.”

“Are you tellin’ me a ghost has the hots for me?” asked Jack, frowning slightly and furrowing his brow. Something seemed to spook him and he jumped a step back. He scratched at his shoulder and neck, searching for whatever had caused a strange sensation.

“Mary is quite taken by you. In fact, she is rather embarrassed that I am telling you all this but I have no time for delicacy in matters of the heart. If I did, Darcy would have made a fool of herself more times than one would care to count. She does have absolutely abysmal taste in the male species,” Hela lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug and offered Brock a superior smirk. He crossed his arms and glared back at the insinuation on his character.

“Hey!” Darcy scoffed. Though she had to admit, she did appreciate Hela’s bluntness when it came to the guys she dated. Hela was crushingly truthful and critical. Sometimes that helped in deciding if a guy was worth a second date. “I mean, it’s true but that’s still a low blow.”

“Can we get back to this sheila haunting me? Is that why no one will sleep with me?” Jack asked hopefully.

“She says she is quite sorry for her behavior but it was necessary. They weren’t worthy of your love,” Hela said, pausing again to listen to whatever Mary was insisting. Her lips puckered as if she were sucking on a lemon. Hela really wasn’t one for romance. When Darcy had voiced her concerns for her own sex slump, Hela had no clue Darcy was complaining. “You deserve a woman who appreciates your kind soul and soft heart. Oh dear, she has some other details of your finer attributes but if I were to repeat them, I may vomit. She is horribly sentimental.”

“Some dead woman is scaring off our dates?” Brock scoffed. He offered a glass of wine to Darcy and she took it because she could really use some more booze at this point. Hopefully, this run in with a lovelorn ghost would distract Hela long enough she would forget about the pharmaceutical company. “Though, given how this date is going, I guess there’s some truth in that.”

“Oh, do not worry. She has no interest in you,” Hela said with a small laugh as if hearing an amusing and cruel joke. “She feels you're abrasive and vain. It's quite off putting for Midgard spirits. Jack is much more charming and sweet. According to Mary.”

“ _What_? I have charm out the ass, thank you very much!” Brock insisted, gesturing violently with his wine glass until a drip sloshed down the side. He set the glass down. “You know how many women gave me their number last weekend? Just at the grocery store?”

“Desperate housewives don't count,” Darcy couldn’t help but add with the hint of a sneer before taking a dainty sip. She’d known when they’d met that he was as vain as a peacock but she still didn’t need to hear him backdoor bragging about all the women who fell at his feet just because he looked at them. “They'll screw anything that looks easy to manipulate.”

Brock sputtered as Jack snickered. Hela even cracked a smirk and nodded at whatever Mary said.

“Oh, I like this one. She’s much better than the other sheilas you bring ‘round here. All pretty but short a few stubbies of a six pack. I should know, I gotta make ‘em brekkie and let ‘em down gently while this one fucks off to the gym at the break of dawn,” Jack said with a strained smile, jabbing a thumb towards Brock. Darcy could see what got Mary’s spectral blood pumping. Out of the two, Jack definitely was coming off as a better catch. At least if someone preferred decent human beings. For a second, she thought she felt someone nodding next to her. Which was a strange thing to feel but maybe there was something to this ghost thing Hela was talking about. Hela did say that ghosts grew stronger around her.

“What the hell does that have to do with anything?” Brock asked. “I'm a god damn catch! Even if Casper the lonely, horny for weird Aussies Ghost don't think so. Did she need glasses when she was alive? Maybe she still can't see much in the afterlife.”

“She has perfect sight,” Hela said sharply. “And perfect judge of character. Spirits often do. She says that Jack is the better suitor and less of a pervert.”

“As flattered as I am, I'm not sure if I can get over the dead part. No offense to Mary. I'm sure she's a beautiful soul but that’s a big hurdle. Quite fond of living at the moment,” Jack said with a sympathetic frown and genuine regret.

“Mary does understand your rather impossible circumstances and will do her best to not judge your dates so quickly. Though she does admit to hiding some of Brock’s items. She felt it was for the best of mankind,” Hela stated and Brock furrowed his brow. Darcy snickered behind her glass.

“What the hell does that mean?” Brock asked, clearly going back in his memory and cataloguing all the little things that appeared to have been misplaced. “Has she been stealing my stuff?”

“He’s been blaming me for that,” Jack mumbled.

“Did that bitch steal my protein shake powder? And my condoms? What the fuck is wrong with her? What did I do to her?” Brock complained at Hela’s very tiny nod and grin. Hela did appreciate mischief.

“C’mon mate, bitch seems a little harsh,” Jack berated gently and Brock’s eyes widened as his mouth hung open.

“Shouldn’t you be the most pissed off right now?” Brock asked with a sneer. “A ghost was cockblocking you!”

“Well, she’s in love with me. I can’t blame her for that, can I?” Jack mused.

“Wow, you’re really understanding,” Darcy said with a sweet sigh and Jack just shrugged with a bashful blush. Somehow, Mary’s emotions must be rubbing off on Darcy. All sorts of butterflies were rushing through her but the temperature around her was rapidly dropping and she shivered. Despite Brock’s angry mumbling, he grabbed a throw off the couch and wrapped it around Darcy’s shoulders. A warm sensation started to overtake the cold. Putting her wine glass down on the coffee table, Darcy looked around the apartment but couldn’t find any real indication of a ghost. Not that she knew what to look for.

“That’s manipulation Jack, plain and simple,” Brock said, keeping close to Darcy but eyeing the space around Hela and Jack warily, as if Mary would suddenly appear like an actor at a haunted house. For a moment, Jack’s easy attitude wavered. “Don’t matter if she loves you or whatever, she was still scaring off women because she thought she knew best.”

“Mary admits to her actions being atrocious and would like to begin to make her amends,” Hela announced. Beside her, Ragnarok yawned and hopped onto their couch. Brock looked like he wanted to object to the wolf fur on their furniture but thought best of it. One crisis at a time? Or maybe he was concerned the wolf would bite him.

“How she gonna do that?” Brock asked, clearly not believing a word of what Mary was insisting.

“She will no longer interfere in Jack’s romantic entanglements. And since she was hoping Darcy would get bored waiting for you and leave while you purchased more prophylactics, she has agreed to also allow you to have sex in peace,” Hela said, unable to keep a straight face as she let out a little, evil giggle. “Oh. She also says that Brock has a disturbing amount of risqué magazines under his bed with troubling themes. She has agreed to return those and all the other items but asks Darcy to reconsider her plans for the evening.”

“What kind of magazines?” Darcy asked, side-eying Brock and taking a step away from him. While she understood that a lot of guys were closet perverts, she did like to know what she might be getting herself into before she had to make an excuse about family emergencies when a guy pulled out a full-on Gimp costume. “I won’t judge too harshly. I just want to give you an informed decision on if I can get on board with your kinks.”

“He _is_ fond of being called Big Daddy. Accidentally heard it when I was getting a glass of water one night,” Jack piped up.

“I did not instigate that!”Brock insisted, the hint of a blush on his cheeks. Darcy thought it made him look kind of cute but she was definitely not up for daddy kinks. “That chick begged-”

Holding up a hand, Darcy silenced Brock before he could make any excuse. “Look, maybe Mary was right after all and we aren’t a good fit. I'm really not into that kind of power dynamics in the bedroom. I like to be a full adult when I have sex. Totally not kink shaming you but you deserve a woman who’s into that kind of stuff. And there are totally loads of women into that.”

“Mary states you have made a wise choice which will save you much woe in future,” Hela said over Brock’s complaints. Reaching down to grab Darcy’s abandoned glass, Hela swirled the liquid and took a sip. With a grimace, she set the glass back down. “He also likes being called Commander, even though he no longer leads men into battle.”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Brock yelled. A vein was beginning to bulge in his neck and Darcy had to cover her mouth to hold back a laugh. Though, that was maybe a little unfair. She could get down with Commander. Maybe even some damsel in distress/hostage stuff. Brock was a scary guy when he was angry but a strange, cold delight ran through her. It must be Mary again. Taking out his phone, Brock typed frantically while muttering to himself. “How the fuck do you exorcise a ghost? Some dead bitch ain’t scaring off my date.”

“Hey, you be nice. Mary’s just looking out for me,” Darcy insisted, poking Brock in the arm. He had a very nice, muscly arm. Not as nice as Thor’s but still nice. Wrapping the blanket tighter, Darcy pouted as Brock paused to look at her.

“Mary’s been stealin’ my shit and cockblocking Crocodile Dundee here. She needs to leave,” Brock said, lips thinning but his resolve seemed to waiver as Darcy continued to stare up at him.

“What happens if she’s exorcised,” Jack asked, bringing all attention back to Hela.

“Her spirit is sent to Niflheim. It is a bleak, cold and dark place. Quite peaceful unless one isn’t fond of eternal damnation. The other souls there can be quite…malicious unless you show proper dominance,” Hela said. As she realized this conversation was likely take much longer than she wanted, she moved to sit next to Ragnarok on the couch. The wolf sat her head on Hela’s lap and seemed to smile at the head scratches that followed. Hela sat her booted feet on the coffee table with a thud and Brock let out an annoyed grunt. “Mary doesn’t strike me as a spirit who can contend with the evil that lives there. It’s where I thrived, after all. I haven’t met many Midgardians, spectral or otherwise, who can. Most that had the misfortune of being banished to Niflheim met torture daily. Then again, there isn’t much entertainment there, so I’m sure someone would get a laugh at her ill luck whilst flaying her.”

“We can’t do that to her,” Jack insisted and Darcy nodded enthusiastically with him. Brock took in both their expressions and grimaced.

“Are the two of you serious right now? You won’t let me exorcise a ghost, which is the logical thing to do-” Brock began but Darcy spoke up before he could get a full rant going.

“There’s a ghost in here and Hela is the Goddess of Death. There is no logical route in this situation,” Darcy said.

“Goddess of Death, War and Famine, true and rightful heir to the throne of Asgard and the nine realms. Also, small business owner,” Hela added proudly and Darcy wrinkled her nose at new title.

“Business owner? Since when?” Darcy asked.

“I’m considering it but I’ve yet to ascertain my stance on taxes,” Hela said, focusing her attention onto scratching Ragnarok behind the ear. “Either way, I have decided to offer my services up for hire. There are many Midgardians that could use my help who have too many scruples to seize the vengeance that should rightfully be theirs. It’s rather pathetic.” 

“We are tabling this conversation for now but just so you know, I forbid you to commit tax fraud,” Darcy commanded, earning a little scoff from Hela but no other argument.

“If Mary promises to keep her meddling in Brock’s life to a minimum and gives my sheilas more time to be judged, I think she can stay,” Jack said out into the open space and the edges of his hair seemed to move as if a hand were running through it. Brock jumped back and cursed. “Thank you, darl. I’ve been growing it out. I like it but Brock says I look like a hippie.”

“That was a joke,” Brock said, voice almost at a whine. “Also, Casper’s feeling you up. Doesn’t that creep you out?”

“Eh,” Jack hummed, pursing his lips and quirking his head as he tried to decide. “Honestly, weirder things have happened to us. This is kind of tame in comparison. Besides, I could do with more excitement in my life. Y’know how boring things have gotten.”

“If you wish, I know some simple rituals even determined Midgardians can do to help tether her soul. It’ll give her more strength in her abilities,” Hela offered with a tempting smirk. Because Darcy had grown to know Hela quite well now, she knew the Asgardian was holding back some information. They’d noticed lately that some of Hela’s powers and abilities were slowly phasing back. Although they didn’t figure out what exactly was causing it (Hela insisted Odin’s magic used to help banish her was simply flawed because he was a weak-minded fool). Darcy wondered if Hela would at some point be able to grant Mary something like poltergeist levels of power or even a body. While Darcy wasn’t sure if Jack should date a ghost, she also wasn’t against it if it was his thing.

“That is literally the opposite of what we should do,” Brock said at the same time Jack grinned. “Jack, you should be the first person to want her out. She was scaring off women!”

“If I’m being honest, they were just ways to pass the time. I didn’t feel much for them,” Jack admitted with a forlorn sigh. “I’ve been wanting to settle down for a while. My mum’s been on my case about that.”

“And you’re going to settle down with a damn ghost?”

“You two obviously have a lot to discuss in regards to your third roommate. We’re just gonna go,” Darcy said, volume nearing a whisper because she kind of hoped they would just argue so loudly that they didn’t notice her exit. She dropped the blanket slowly to the floor. Alas, Brock’s attention was firmly grasped.

“No, please don’t leave. Brock reached out and grabbed Darcy’s wrist, halting any attempt at escaping quietly. His eyes were earnest and he spoke in a in a placating and soothing tone. “We can still salvage this date.”

Darcy almost believed him. _Almost_.

“You forget Midgardian, I need her for my most important task. She will be leaving with me,” Hela announced, edging back into the woman that led Asgard into some insane battles over the centuries and probably stabbed any soldier that showed signs of weakness. Hela stood up from the couch as if it were a throne. She fixed Brock with a stare that promised a bloody fight where she would be the victor. Slowly, Brock eased his grip on Darcy but met Hela’s stare with a tight jaw and narrowed eyes. Obviously, he wasn’t going to back down. Ragnarok hopped down and sat loyally beside Hela, letting out a small growl. Placing her fists on her hips and quirking an eyebrow, Hela dared Brock to further challenge her authority. At this point, Darcy wasn’t sure if their battle of wills was over her or determining who the alpha was. Darcy took a step towards Jack, who appeared to be comforting an invisible body. Seemed Mary was taking the opportunity to cuddle up with him.

“If you two are breaking into a pharmaceutical company, you’re not going to be able to do it tonight. You’ll need help. Jack and I can help you scope it out. I might even be able to get you some blueprints if you’re nice to me,” Brock said with a forced smile. Hela quirked an eyebrow but they both seemed to settle back on their heels and relaxed their stances. “Jack wants excitement and I’m trying to fight the urge to call a priest. We both need to get some fresh air right now.”

“I still think Mary should stay but I’m also up for a bit of B and E,” said Jack with a renewed energy.

“Are you not gonna stop her? I thought you worked security. Isn’t this against your morals as security guards?” Darcy kind of wished they would just do some rituals to help Mary out. Now Hela had potential minions? This was going to make things a hundred times worse. While Darcy could also get the blueprints for Hela with a bit of hacking, she kept her skills for hire so there was at least some quid pro quo. Like making Hela do chores around the house. If Hela realized she could get those same things from someone with less scruples, keeping the Asgardian in check would become significantly harder. Yet, if Darcy were being honest, she was surprised Hela hadn’t tried to hire other criminals for help. This was probably bound to happen at some point. 

“Big pharma can afford to be taken down a few pegs. Besides, I _am_ getting bored. Could do with a bit of adventure,” Jack said cheerfully.

“Fine. We are scoping the place out but we will not be stepping foot into the building. Understood?” Darcy ordered, knowing when she was outnumbered and beat. She received two obedient nods from the men and one half-hearted shrug from Hela. It was the best she could hope for. All she really wanted to do at this point was get into her PJs, crawl into bed and watch British Bake Off. But unfortunately, the world was conspiring against her. No sex drive, no logical, law abiding roommate and no normal life for Darcy. Whoever put a curse on her _really_ didn’t like Darcy. Except, when she saw how happy Jack and Brock seemed to be while getting gear and more appropriate clothes, she supposed there was some good from Hela’s insanity.

Then again, maybe she should be more concerned that these two men had a plethora of gear that would help them invade a small country. She should use this evening to ask more questions about their past. A girl needed to be safe. It was a part of the reason why she kept giving Hela the addresses of her expected locations for each of her dates and hadn’t turned off Find Friends. Better safe and date crashed by an Asgardian than sorry. Hopefully by the end of the night, she wouldn’t be sorry and they’d all stay out of jail. It was really her wish for most nights. Besides, she had saved enough bail for her and Hela. The men could figure it out themselves though.


End file.
